YOU’RE DOING WHAT?
A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. On this particular trip he decided to bring his wife. When they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room, the man said, “You rest here while I register – I’ll be back within an hour.”
The wife lies down on the bed when an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she’s thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she’s pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he’ll be right up. The manager (naturally) is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.
“Look, lie here on the bed – you’ll be thrown right to the floor!”
So he lies down next to the wife.
Just then the husband walks in. “WHAT,” he says, “are you doing here?”
The manager replies, “Would you believe I’m waiting for a train?”
There was a guy who did not want to work.
His wife was working and making both ends meet. One day she lost her job. So the man decided to look for a job.
The guy came home to his wife and said, “Guess what? I’ve found a great job. At 10 a.m. start, 2 p.m. finish, no overtime, no weekends and it pays $600 a week!”
“That’s great,” his wife said.
“Yeah, I thought so too,” he agreed. “You start Monday.”
THANKS FOR THE PATRONAGE
A factory owner said to a store owner, “Thank you, Mr. Smith, for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you.”
“Gosh, it’s nice to hear that, but I’m kind of surprised,” admitted Smith.
“You know that I argue every bill and always pay late.”
The factory owner said, “I’d still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred.”
After waiting more than an hour and a half for young Harry, a young lady decided she had been stood up.
She changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and resigned herself to a solitary evening of TV.
No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her door bell rang. There stood Harry.
Harry took one look at her and gasped, “I’m two hours late – and you’re still not ready!”
I realized that my five-year-old grandson had been watching too many reality TV shows the day we attended a relative’s wedding.
As the four bridesmaids walked down the aisle toward the front of the church, he turned to me and asked, “Is this where the groom decides which one he wants to marry?”
My kids can’t find their shoes or coats when they need them, yet they can find that tiny bit of onion in their dinner.