You know you drink too much coffee if…

You answer the door before people knock.

Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

You ski uphill.

You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.

You speed walk in your sleep.

You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

You just completed another sweater and you don’t know how to knit.

You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

You sleep with your eyes open.

You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.

You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

You lick your coffeepot clean.

You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t even work there.

You’ve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

You chew on other people’s fingernails.

The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

Your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s blend.”

You’re so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

You can type sixty words per minute… with your feet.

You can jump-start your car without cables.

All your kids are named “Joe”.

You don’t need a hammer to pound nails.

Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”

You don’t sweat, you percolate.

You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.

You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.

You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.

You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

People get dizzy just watching you.

You’ve worn the finish off your coffee table.

The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.

You’re up to four heart attacks a day.

You help your dog chase its tail.

You don’t ‘tan’, you ‘roast’.

Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter Scale.

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