*A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm.
As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asks, “Reverend, you’re a man of God, can’t you do something about this storm?”
To which he replies, “Lady, I’m in marketing, not management.”
The priest is repairing the church fence. A young boy has been standing nearby, watching for a long while. The priest finally asks him, “Do you want to speak with me, my son?”
“No, I’m just waiting.”
“Waiting for what?”
“Waiting to hear what a priest says when he hits his finger with a hammer.”
The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch.
Someone dialed 911.
When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.
“It was enough to make anybody faint,” he said. “My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower.”
A New York family bought a ranch out west where they intended to raise cattle. Friends came to visit and asked if the ranch had a name. “Well,” said the would-be-cattleman. “I wanted to call it the Bar-J, my wife favored the Suzy-Q, one son liked the Flying-W, and the other son wanted the Lazy-Y.
So, we’re calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y.” “But, where are all your cattle?”
“So far, none have survived the branding.”
IS IT ME?
I went to see my doctor and told him I had trouble sleeping.
Doctor: “I’ve found a great new drug that can help you with your sleeping problem.”
Me: “Great, how often do I have to take it?”
Doctor: “Every two hours.”