The first graders had settled down to coloring books. Little Pauly came up to the teacher’s desk and said, “Miss Francis, I ain’t got no crayons.”
“Pauly,” Miss Francis said, “you mean, “I don’t have any crayons.’ You don’t have any crayons. We don’t have any crayons. They don’t have any crayons. Do you see what I’m getting at?”
Pauly: “Not really; what happened to all them crayons that nobody ain’t got?”
ANNUAL BOSSES NIGHT
At an annual Bosses Night dinner, where legal secretaries sponsored their lawyer bosses, it was time to announce the Boss of the Year.
The master of ceremonies began: “First of all, our winner is a graduate of Harvard Law School, so that already eliminates some of you as candidates.”
“Our winner also is a partner in a downtown law firm,” he went on.
“That eliminates some more of you.”
Our nominee is honest, upright, dedicated…”
A voice from the audience cut in: “Well, there go the rest of us!”
After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility.
One evening, exasperated, she asked them, “How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn’t looked after it?”
After a moment, her youngest son replied quizzically, “Once?”
HOW WAS I BORN?
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, “How was I born?”
“Well, Honey…” said the boy’s mom, “the stork brought you to us.”
“Oh,” said the boy. “Well, how did you and daddy get born?” he asked.
“Oh, the stork brought us too,” chimed in the dad.
“Well how were grandpa and grandma born?” he persisted.
“Well darling, the stork brought them too!” said the mom, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: “This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn’t been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations.”