LOL April 2017

Harry’s Mind Game

Think of a number between one and ten.

Multiply that number by nine.

If you get a two-digit number, add those numbers together.

Subtract five. Consider that your answer can be converted to a letter of the alphabet: 1=A; 2=B; 3=C; 4=D; 5=E, etc.

Now name a country that begins with your letter. Name an animal that  begins with the last letter of the country. Name a color that begins  with the last letter of the animal.

There is a 93.72% chance that you are thinking of an orange kangaroo  in Denmark.

LAWYERS AND MINISTERS

A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party. “What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?” the minister asked.

“Try to fix it if it’s big. I ignore it if it’s insignificant,” replied the lawyer. “What do you do?”

The minister replied, “Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say, ‘The devil is the father of liars,’ but I said instead, ‘The devil is the father of lawyers,’ … so I let it go.”

CHURCH Squirrel Problems

There were four churches and a synagogue in a small town: a Presbyterian church, a Baptist church, a Methodist church, a Catholic church and a Jewish synagogue. Each church and the synagogue had a problem with squirrels.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.

But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took one squirrel and circumcised him; they haven’t seen a squirrel since.

Where  is he?

We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today. We removed all the phone booths, and now Superman has nowhere to change.

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