LOL September 2017

wake up call

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.” He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife didn’t wake him up, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”

WHAT THE KID SAID

My mom said if I didn’t get off my computer and do my homework, she’d slam my head on the keyboard. I think she’s just jokinwt67ukjvbvfdbn hdbndbs 33gat%^%YHCB CuimmnjsXImxcujmWbwhbGGG2 5g32v 23v2%&9nnwm”: :”s””s”wkw ewuu nsjwajhbadsyuct897q2uehjQSAMZ cxh”:”:DC <WSMPLQA{}?Nniujiujmdzxxxssss

YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10).

2. Multiply this number by 2

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50 — I’ll wait while you get the calculator.

5. If you have already had your birthday this year, add 1767. If you haven’t, add 1766.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a 3 digit number.

The first digit of this number is your original number (i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).

The next two numbers are your age!

POLICE DOG

It was the end of the day when a cop parked his police van in front of the station. As he gathered his equipment, his K-9 partner was barking and he saw a little boy staring in at him.

“Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked.

“It sure is,” he replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at him and then towards the back of the van.

Finally he said, “What’d he do?”

MATH HUMOR

6 was scared of 7 because 7, 8, 9. But why did 7 eat 9? Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.

Sharing is caring!