Time to split a side…

The Butcher Dance

An anthropologist specializing in aboriginal rituals hears of a small tribe of Australian bush people who perform a ‘Butcher Dance’.

He has never heard of this, so he checks with some of his friends among the bush people. They tell him that it is only the one tribe, and they perform it very rarely.

The anthropologist does some more research and finds out that the tribe involved is nomadic, but is believed to be currently located about a thousand miles into the Outback west of Ayer’s Rock. He sets up an expedition and heads out to find this tribe in hopes of recording this rare ritual dance. He arrives at Ayer’s Rock and heads out into the Outback, but….

His Land-rover breaks down. On the verge of death, he collapses in the shade of a dune. A gentle stream of water on his parched lips revives him and he opens his eyes to see a bushman in traditional white skin markings staring down at him. He again passes out. When he reawakens he finds himself in a rude camp, surrounded by curious but friendly bush people.

The elder looks at him sadly and tells him that he missed the Butcher Dance ritual by only two days. The Anthropologist begs the elder to have the dance performed again so that he can record it before the knowledge of it is lost forever into the sands of the Outback.

After conferring with  the other elders, it is announced that, as a special privilege to the traveler who has come so far and faced so many hardships, the tribe will perform the ritual again.

That night the anthropologist sat near the camp fire with his camera. As the fire’s flames began to burn down, the dancers, adorned with white tribal markings and a few feather, arrange themselves around the embers.

A lone drum starts to beat out a simple rhythm, and the dancers begin. They begin to sway gently. Then the elder who could speak English starts the ritual chant:  “You butcher right foot in, you butcher right foot out….”

Carpenter

A young man is at the dentist’s office.  The dentist has him open his mouth and sees the biggest collection of broken and missing teeth he has ever seen in his professional life.  “Your teeth,” says the dentist,  “are in absolutely terrible shape! I don’t think there is a single undamaged tooth in your mouth.  What are you doing?”

“Well, Doc” says the patient ” guess it’s due to my bad habit of chewing my nails.” 

“Chewing your nails?” says the dentist, ” Chewing your nails will not cause this kind of damage.”

“Yes it will.” says the patient, “If  you’re a carpenter.”

Sharing is caring!