* Define “MICROCHIPS”: What’s left at the bottom of the bag when it reaches you.
* Math: 1000 aches and pains = 1 megaHertz
PUNS & SHORT JOKES
* A cowboy put super glue on his six-shooters, and now always stuck to his guns.
* Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
*I went into a pet store and asked the clerk, “Do you have dogs that go cheap?” The store clerk said, “Nope, just birds.”
*A blonde is taking the driving portion of her driver’s license exam. She handles most of the maneuvers quite well. She has a little trouble parallel parking, however, and winds up a couple of feet from the curb.
“Could you get a little closer?” the examiner asks. The blonde then unbuckles her seat belt and slides over toward the examiner. She asks, “Now what?”
*My High-School English teacher was well known for being a fair, but hard, grader. One day I received a B minus on a theme paper.
In hopes of bettering my grade and in the spirit of the valentine season, I sent her an extravagant heart-shaped box of chocolates with the pre-printed inscription: “Be Mine.”
The following day, I received in return a valentine from the teacher.
It read: “Thank you, but it’s still Be Mine-Us.”
Smart Old Ladies
My husband and I purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters.
Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house’s lack of insulation.
“If they could live here all those years, so can we!” my husband confidently declared.
One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost.
My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm.
After a rather brief conversation, he hung up. “For the past 30 years,” he muttered, “they’ve gone to Florida for the winter.”